When we do, we try to do good...

Thursday, February 26, 2009

For Blogging Sake

Good grief I am a boring blogger lately. I just dont feel like typeing lately LOL. I need to clean and declutter to feel more human again I think. I cleared 2 junk drawers and felt great yesterday but then i walked into the living room and then all my happy left. What a mess lately. I am at a total loss for how to stay on top of things. Mind you I am never actually on top to begin with. Sheesh.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Holy Farking Crap Anonomous Monkey On My Back

IVE BEEN SOOOOO LAZZZYYYYY.

Okay so its been a week sue me. Im sure I am only hearding it becuase Kim blogged after 2 months but WHATEVER.

So Friday Night my parents took the chidren (Both DUNDUNDUNDDDD) and I went to Henir's girlsnight party. SO fricking fun. Drank wine, little girl talk.

Bought books 5 and 6 in the Sookie Stackhouse books. 1 more to go then I have to wait until MAYYYYYY. ACKKKKKK.

This is what I do these days while not blogging... read. alot.

ITS WARM IN HERE.

Waiting for house to come on.

Deb and I rocked yesterday. We went and picked up a record played/ cabinet to surprise Kev. She and I singlehandedly carried it to the freestyle, across my not shoveled yard adn UP THE STAIRS using GIRLPOWER. (I feel like I have been giving away free handjobs at the Pub today though, wow sore forearms.) When Kev ghot home he was happy surprised. But then we were irritated surprised to find that the platter on the turntable didnt spin. Talked to kevs brother the record collector and he said it sounded like the belt and after more looking and some onlines search I agree'd. Called henri, she called Bill and in a few days her knight in shining Cyrus the virus will come riding in to fix it. GO BILL.

Waiting to hear when I get to work again. SO MUCH FUN. (seriously, you try being stuck home with my demons... scratch that.... Samara is a GOOD CHILD (for the most part)... Donavan is the Demon.

And Now to facebook for a few then finding a snack for House.

Monday, February 16, 2009

So I Started Working...

And yes, again. Sheesh people keep up.

Yesterday was day 1 in housekeeping at the hotel. It wasnt so bad. a little cleaning and a LOT of making beds. Plus I found 38 cents. Yessim. Almost a tip we shall call it... though it was spread throughout a slightly trashed room.

I got my first peek at the honeymoon sweet and lemme tell you. SUUUHHH-WHEAT. LOL.

Dont know what else to say I guess..

Tomorrow is day 2 and I am working with Kevin. HUZZAH.

(Fab is licking my toes. LE EWWW).

Tomorrow is my old buddy Jamie's 25th birthday. Ask me how I know that everyyear.

WELL.

17 is my favourite number (as that is the day that my brithday falls on). I am good with what month everyone's bday is in so Feb is easy then he has the honor of sharing my day number.

(Unlike Kev who I still think was born on teh 23rd of May...) But he keeps saying I am wrong...
(Make up for the fact he cant even pronounce his own last name.) Sad sad man.




HMMMMM what is new and exciting in the world here???

I am trying to be more patient and kinder to Samara... and the demon in Donavan is getting stronger.


Watched some of the finalle of MASH tonight (before kev "gave me" the computer... AKA wanted the TV under the guise of letting me check my emails before House comes on.)

I never saw the end of the series but I could have figured Hawkeye would end up institutionallized. When he finally revealed that teh woman had smothered her baby because it was fussing and he had told her to keep it quiet or the enemy would find them I probably would ahve teared up... But Kev was here and he is so mean that my tear ducts shrivel up at the thought.

It is just becuase it makes me think of a story I once read. I cant rememebr where or if it was fiction or non etc but I think that it was about the Halocaust, There was a small group of refugees (I say because I really cant think right now if it is offensive to say "jews" can anyone help me there? I dont mean to be insensitive...) ANYWAY. the mother smuggled her baby out and they were ina foxhole (or somehting) and they could hear the enemy outside and the baby woke up and she held it tightly against her and when things were clear again she realized that she had accidentally smothered her baby. :(((( And THEN I think if somehow I were in teh situation where my loud baby would mean horrible death for myself and others what would I do... Then I think that NORMAL""" people dont think those things and leave it alone.

Heres another slightly odd thought (not as morbid?)... If it were evening and I were naked (which happens) and something happened with one of the kids and I had to call 911 and get an ambulence would I leave my child to get dressed????

Or if you have a car.... and you have to drive your baby to the hospital in an emergency do you put the baby in their carseat??? In that case i think I would be driving with baby in lap... But hopefully I never have to experience it.

Friday, February 13, 2009

The Tale Of The Terrible Parent

I'll let you in on a couple secrets. One: I am very pessimistic, analitical (sp), and negative in life. Two: I think I am a terrible parent and find it annoying when people think I am a great mother.

I believe in a life of learning and bettering yourself (how is that for overly dramatic). I spend a lot of time at Maggies Place taking parenting programs. I try to seek out "court ordered" programs. These are programs that near "unfit" parents are stipulated to take in order to keep their kids/ custody arrangements.

I just cant get over the idea that I am ruining my children's lives with every movement I make and it drives me nutty. I am not overly affectionate but find it easier to be so with babies than older children. And therefore I am obviously ruining Samara's chance at feeling accepted in lfie by bot wanting to sit with her up my butt constantly. Therefore she will become the type of adult who will seek acceptance by following others into stupidity. She will be a doormat.

I yell ALOT therefore Donavan will grow up with yelling and frustration being the only thing he knows. He will be a harsh and abrasive husband and parent.

I try to get Samara to play in her room by herself so she will be able to entertain herself as she gets older and not be one of those people who needs to be entertained to be happy. And yet becuase she wont go in her room and play I spend alot of our time stubbornly trying to get her to. Perfect world, she goes and plays in her room with barbies etc for a half hour, hour or so then comes out adn colours or whatever. Reality I tell her to play in her room and she comes out and I tell her to play in her room and she comes out, i tell her to GO PLAY IN HER FREAKING ROOM, she comes out. on and on and on ALL DAY. and so I feel like she is neglected becuase I am so frustrated by her not playing in her room that by the end of it I want nothing to do with her. She will grow up and remember how distant her mother was and then again will suffer from a need to be accepted.

I am reading a book by Barbara Coloroso (sp). and she teaches the golden rule, ould you like to be treated as you treat your child? For younger kids, would you like to be yelled at or ridiculed at 70 for an "accident" or somethign you "forgot"? And about the charts and so on. At 70 how would you quality of life be if you were rewarded with stars towards BINGO that could be taken away for bad behaviours?

So I am going to try to emulate that. When I am freaking out adn about to launch into a tyrade I need to think would I like it?

I grew up with a lecturing mother. And her lectures were long and the punishment held to the very end. Her lectures sent me into anxiety attacks where my stomach would tightened so bad I would have pulled muscles for days. My knees would be weak and I would be tempted to puke at the thought. I dont want that for Samara. (I say her more so because of Donavan's age.)

I know that I need downtime more than the while I get when the kids go to bed and that makes me a lenient parent but I often wonder if that makes me a neglectful parent too? I hear teh mothers talking about no time to read or watch a movie or start a crafting project and its not like that for me. If I want to read I do. I watch movies and I knit crochet or do whatever else I am doing that day. The kids survive without me underfoot...

I dont know.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Go Salma

SO I was just reading that on a factfinding mission for UNICEF in Sierre Leona, Salma Hyak (spelled badly of course) nursed a starving baby whos mother couldnt produce milk. Personally I think that this is an awesome and unselfish act and I am absolutly amazed. When Samara was a baby and I was first nursing I asked a few friends who were also nursing at the time if they would feed a baby that they found abandoned in the street. I was surprised at the time that not everyone would have. It is a crazy thing. A woman with the ability to nurish a starving baby with their replenishing food source, not doing so.

But then on teh otherhand if something happened and your baby was the one found would you want another woman breastfeeding it? It is easy to say, "well yes as long as she DOT DOT DOT (doesnt drink, doesnt smoke, etc)" but if your baby is found you dont have the choice to specify the DOT DOT DOT.

What do you think?

Friday, February 6, 2009

Friday Fill Ins... It IS Friday, right???

Rigggghhhhtttt????

1. Please don't tell _anyone ____.
2. Can you __make me breakfast___ in the morning?
3. The color __orange___ makes me want to __puke___!
4. I have a craving for __chippies___.
5. If my life had a pause button, I'd pause it __on the kids___.
6. Eyes are the _blinkiest part of my body____.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to _donavan going to bed____, tomorrow my plans include __cleaning___ and Sunday, I want to __knit something___!

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