Well.

How am I supposed to see if the fricking van passed when terry is late coming to take it there. UGH.

So scared!

I am so scared teh van will not pass... UGH. defeatist attitude sucks.

I ahve cleaning to do! Lots of cleaning... cleaning and planning.

I ahve been so scred of the van not passing that I ahvent allowed myself to start planning for the trip, JUST IN CASE.

Oh I am going but I am trying not to be depressed over the inspection.

Samara wants to watch tv... Too bad kid, nice day outside.

Well off to get dressed then do some laundry...

Heres Hoping.

So van failed yesterday. Mount thingies and back tires barely didnt pass.

No big.

Steve is outside right now replacing the mounts and then he will replace the tires back there for inspection. Should pass with flying colours... Doesnt mean i wasnt up all night last night worrying.

I am just so excited about being so close to having wheels. I have plans already! I want it done yesterday. Tomorrow were planning a trip to the dmv to get it papered for the road. fingers crossed it MIGHT be cheaper than I thought... FINGERS CROSSED!

Its so hot but it is so buggy outside and the bug spray is in sherry's car.

I had a dream last night that I packed my dunebuggy (?) with teh kids and all of our stuff and just as i was about to leave (at bedtime to drive all night dispite the fact i was so tired) I realized that i was supposed to pack the van so i was annoyed and tired while unpacking the kids adn things from the buggy to put in the van to leave later than i had planned.

Samara is at Austyn's and donavan is roaming in his swim trunks. BETTER not poop.

Aww Deb, Ill mkae you better with a BLOG

TIRED!

Today is the day! I got up to a great momentum last night cleaning and I plan on keeping at it today. I may need to make coffee to help UGH.

I bought a new scribbler (Oh how I love those) and plan on listing some new and healthy meals. Watch your ass Kev. ;)

Speaking of Kev hes deadly ill with the swine flu.

(bad joke)

Hes had a wicked fever for more than a week and is now wracking crazysounding coughs constantly. He looks like phlemmy death. Not sexy.

Donavan has a bit of a cough now. Poor bugger.

Samara and I are fine. (I wish I was sleeping!)

Hopefully my ucc is in today (if deb didnt eff up my mail yesterday...)

I cant believe the van is THIS close to finished. I am jumping for joy. It is the only bright spot in a world of *oh shit Im broke*.

I hope the ol girl understands how I am sacrificing for her and treats me well for years to come. MWAHAHA.

I need to go through Samara's stuffed toys soon. Theyre over throwing my house. (not really but theyre a really big pile in her closet.) I collected Sesame street stuffies for her form the time she was conceived... at what point can I stop collecting? I should sell it all on fb. She has SO MUCH.

Mowed the lawn yesterday. Actually managed to pull the cord myself. Im so proud! I have to walk it back to sherry's later with the kids. I am thinking Ill put donavan on his leash and take the cut across the yards...

I told Samara yesterday we would bake something so she could decorate it with teh frosting and sprinkles unused at DOnavan's bday. I want to get enough done to make that plausable. I am hoping its hot. I want to get the kids outside in their pool, its been awhile and they havent been out as much as I would like. Pool party at my place! After lunch (lol).

Keeping Up The Momentum

YEAHHHH

I got quite alot done.

Now to do more!!!

MORE MOREEEEEE

Really Trying To Blog More

Truely I am.

So hard to be clever when youre depressed isnt it?

Today I feel pretty good.

Kids are fricking irritating ;) But thats normal here.

Samara was very helpful with the cleaning up (until I banished her from her bedroom for playing with balloons).



I am waiting for Kev to get home. I am hoping he will keep the children for a bit so I can go with a friend and pick strawberries. Itll be a nice break from them..

Wow, random but I found my hairbrush under the computer desk.

Charging up the computer batteries.

I cant remember what I just took pictures of recently that are hidden on my camera. Cant see them utnil I charge it. HMMMMM?

Once I get the rest of my house done I can start in on the rug hooking stuff. I want to organize it all and see if I can get inspired. I really want to hook... just cant find a corner... Yeah. not funny.

:)

Well back to some cleaning

Boy, I sure am glad I didnt rely on child support last month...

Am I relieved to finally get an answer on the child support question?

Read the answer then ask me:

"I hardly check this email now that you removed me off msn and facebook. Due to hardship times and the recession I am still trying to check up on everything. You are right, don't expect any money this month. "

One could almost pity the "poor broke guy" until you remember he is on ei, playing shows (no doubt not only being paid by the place but with cover charges as well, AND collecting royalties on his album.

Yeah, lots of hardship times here.

The Blog To Beat All Blogs

Today was a nice quiet day. I had a few drinks yesterday/ last night so while not a hangover day it was an EATING day. and I know better than to not eat while I should be hung over. LOL

Paint balling was supposed to be today through work but it was cancelled. Kev was sick and going to stay with the munchkins. I am glad it is postponed though cause hell be able to come now. Hopefully its soon!!

I have my to do list for the week drawn up. I am tentatively going to make a meal plan based on the foods in the house :)

Well off to bed before Kev tries to make me go to bed.

I NEED SLEEPPPPP (and a babysitter for tomorrow GRR)

I cant sleep to save my life.

BLEA

Ah well.

Im not sure what else to say. I am trying to havea good dasy dispite how freaking tired I am. I attempted a nap but you can guess how that went.

WHYY ME,,, and donavan keeps bringing me this same 2 pieces of racetrack to fix. UGH OVER AND OVER

Story of My Life

Little tired, little bored, little sad to be left home.

Didnt get child support or any response to my emails.

Went shopping today (borrowed from sil against my gst). I bought a pretty dress. it was $15.00 down from $59.00. I cant wait to wear it. I am going to get a chunky necklace to match it.

I think on Monday I am going to call the daycare in this area and see if I can get Donavan ina subsidized seat. Even if he only goes a day or soa week thats time I can get things done without him in my lap. He is getting way clingy suddenly.

Sherry's "party" tomorrow then paintballing on sunday. I am excited about paintballing but I really cant wait to have a day to just hang out with the kids. I feel guilty when theyre being shuffled off. Yesterday I was working (only 3.5 hours but still) and today I was shopping. (In my defense there I never ever ever go anywhere really.)

I cant wait to get the van so I can feel like I have a little more freedom when I am home with the kids. Its so far to walk anywhere and by the time I get home I dont want to do anything. If I dont get out as much as possible then I wont leave the house. UGH. I feel down and out and tonight it is worse becuase my flipping throat hurts again.

Doesnt help that i cant sleep AT ALL lately and feel like crap all teh time becuase of it. I dont dare drink coffee or tea etc because I am scared ill never actually sleep. (I admit I do indulge in the occasional ice cap here and there. Pretty sad when the only time a person feels okay is when theyre drinking that.)

UGH

Pity party table 1.

Its feels like donavan is never going to get over this cold and never going to sleep in his own bed (or all night).

And Samara just wont UGH. I am at my wits end with that child right now. Am I a terrible mother becuase I just wish my child would BE NORMAL?!?!?!? (please dont lecture me on NORMAL and blah blah. I get enough of it in my head.) Seriously? what did I do to deserve her?
I would understand if she had SOMETYPE of special need etc but GOOD GRIEF. mentally etc regestering above her own age category shouldnt mean that UGH. If the only thing different from her to other kids is that she is smart(er) <<<>>>> then shouldnt she actually listen? I dont believe she doesnt UNDERSTAND not picking on her brother. I think she yearns for more attention but I dont know. If I try to do something with her or even just sit by her she starts irritating me fast. or doing annoying or odd things. WHY CANT SHE BE NORMAL?!?!?!?!?

I am tired of being treating like a flipping idiot.

I am tired of feeling like a flipping idiot.

I am tired of feeling like I am either doing TOO MUCH or not enough.

CANT FIND A SITTER TO SAVE MY LIFE.

If I dont get the van so I can go on my trip Ill be done. Absolutly done. I am tired of being optimistic when noone else will be. I am tired of feeling CONSTANTLY ridiculed.

I think I need to go read my book and try to get my mind off this shittiness. I am not going to sleep tonight anyway and teh longer I sit here with my self pity the worse Ill get.

Cleaning My Room

Ask me how far Ive gotten...

HAHA.

I suck and we have alot of stuff.