Rain Rain!

Had coffee last night with deb, Great conversations, met some people, remet some people. And teh coffee was good!

It is insane out!

samara's birthday party was yesterday adn it went really well. Noone drowned adn tehre was a perfect amount of cake and pizza. Yay!

I hate typing errors. They annoy me. Bad enough to go back and fix them? Nah.

Cleaning on the agenda today. Kev said he would help but who actually knows. Im kind of looking around trying to decide what to do first. LOL.

AHHHH

Samara's party is closeeeee CLOSE CLOSE.

I am tired! And sore! And bored.

Amd praying for bedtime.

So Tired of This

I am crabby and I hate it. It is the crabby that will stay crabby until finally I blow up and am still crabby. I want to scream from teh crabby. It is constant.

I feel like I have to do everything. Then I feel unapprieciated (which I am). Then I feel like I am nothing significant because I am not gettign anything done. It is a vicious circle and I am really hoping it will change soon. (And I am willing to acknowlege that the only way to bring that about is to force it.)

Could always fall back on teh ol fake it til you make it.

Then there is the wonder of Donavan purposely doing wrong. In my face.

And samara throwing her fit this morning.

And being the 1 person responsible for taking the dog out EVERYTIME. (regardless what I am actually doing at the time.)

I want to go out tonight for a couple of hours but it isnt going to happen. I didnt actually expect it to but it was somethign I really wanted to do.

I guess being an adult is alot of not doing what you would like to do... And lots of cleaning,... And cleaning.... And cleaning.

Glee tonight to look forward to.
Work tomorrow morning and friday morning.
Van fixed tomorrow regardless if I have to walk to get the part and push the van down.
We have lots of food in the fridge and cupboards.
Bedtime for donavan in 2.5 hours. Samara and hour and a half afterwardish. (She is going to stay up and watch scooby doo. theres been a marathon on).

How I Love Shakespeare.

Midsummer Night's Dream is my favorite.

PUCK

How now, spirit! whither wander you?

FAIRY

Over hill, over dale,
Thorough bush, thorough brier,
Over park, over pale,
Thorough flood, thorough fire,
I do wander everywhere,
Swifter than the moon's sphere;
And I serve the fairy queen,
To dew her orbs upon the green.
The cowslips tall her pensioners be:
In their gold coats spots you see;
Those be rubies, fairy favours,
In those freckles live their savours:
I must go seek some dewdrops here
And hang a pearl in every cowslip's ear.
Farewell, thou lob of spirits; I'll be gone:
Our queen and all our elves come here anon.

To New Friends and Old.

Have I said yet how much I love this laptop?

No?

Well I do. Its like a new friend... (I know Ive said that).

Okay now to come up with a topic...

3

2

1....


yeah, nothing.

I could give you alot of did you hear such and such but You wouldnt know them etc. LOL.

Coffee at my place wednesday at 1. I am excited. I never really ahve people over.

alot of new interetsing things under way. Plots and plans and organizing.

Maggies and such.

I am thinking about turning off the television and not turning it back on if I hear "i want that" again from samara. What a great week to teach her how to live without television making me want to poke an eye out and cut off my ears.

I think tv in moderation is great. an hour a day say. So in total all week 7 hours. Sounds fine to me. Not counting movies, which i dont watch often, I watch 4 hours of television a week. Period.

How many do you watch???

On monday I watch Lie to me and House. Tuesday nothing (I think Kev and I might watch Drag me to Hell tomorrow night in fact though so this week will be mro tv i guess). Wednesday I cant miss Glee. Thursday it is Bones. Period on the tv. Not that sitting at the laptop alot isnt a waste of time but the tv? wow. Cant do it these days. I think when I am depressed I watch more... Ill have to let you know though, I feel pretty good these days.

:)

Things to do and all of that.

I am just waiting for Samara to call and say she got back from school Okay. I think she will probably go to her friend kayla's house. We told her to call. Once she does I will put on my ipoda nd get cleaning with some music. yay.

Kev is home but he can shut his door and do his thing. I want to declutter, organize adn get rid of crap we dont need anymore.

GLEEful

I am watching Glee. Love Glee. Love the music and the "kids". Love This Guy. And he was born in 82.

Just reminding myself that 24 is young. LOL Back to crisis I guess. Gotta hold on to my youth while I have it. I feel young so why do I act old?

Things to do!

Gotta go uptown tomorrow to the post office and so on, Should be a very productive day.

Got the bathroom pretty organized, Make up in the makeup case other stuff in its crate. Looks much better. Tomorrow morning Im going to do a bit more, maybe put away clothes and box up summer stuff.

watching Lie to Me. Love this show.

Tim Roth is kind of sexy!

Just have to remember to call everyone LOL. If things go good, maybe betty can watch donavan, samara can walk there after school with her little friend. We shall see. LOL.

B-loggy

quick one before bed,

made some pie and "helped" my brother's girlfriend make cookies tonight. Fun time all around. I like to think she learned somethign... Like reading the recipe before you start putting everything into 1 bowl while making bowl marble cookies. LOL.

Made pie, Thanksgiving supper at my parents. Not so excited about the whole YES i didnt buy wine, Sorry. It was sunday, I went to teh store too early then was going to go back later... until I took a nap and didnt wake up until 20 to 5. sue me.

Going to crawl into bed and try to cuddle up to no doubt the cold shoulder and a few complaints about the lateness.

Watched a movie. It wasnt bad... probably wont watch it again LOL. The Flock .

Last night though we watched an AWESOME movie. (Like everyone needs to watch it! BORROW IT ANYTIME~!) It was called The Killing Gene (Or W Delta Z)... After reading a discussion on it though now I INSIST that a smart friend watch this movie to discuss it with me! The people on the forum discuss the ending (DONT READ IT UNTIL YOU WATCH), 1 person states his or her take on it and EVERYONE agrees. THEY ARE WRONG! ACKKKKKK HOW WRONG! UGH, Dumbasses haha.

I love movies like that, really edge of your seat, wondering what will happen, wondering WHY, putting the pieces together and they DONT MAKE SENSE until teh end when SUDDENLY a conversation had early in the movie makes SUCH sense and youre left thinking wow.

Honestly had I watched this movie without Kev I would ahve bawled my head off at the end... And almost did! I want to watch it again in fact so I can really ponder the ending which would MAKE me bawl.

It was that poinient (spelled a la me) and SAD!

Feeling Annoyed

Just that. Plain and simple.

A case of sour grapes perhaps.

I think I have earned a sour grape or 2 along the lines. It feels like its been a long day. Donavan tried to fall asleep at 20 to 5. so he has been crabby since. it is 6 now and I am ready to scream, myself. Samara hasnt been home afterschool (just got a call shes on her way). I just want the kids in bed so that I can relax. Glee isn on until 10 so I think Ill paint a bit until then.

Just wow, what a long day.

I couldnt sleep last night, thinking about Samara's bday and her party and all. Just stresses apon stresses.

I just need to snap out of this mood. (Before I snap and say soemthign I should, but wont, regret.)

All Quiet On My Front

So as far as I can tell my budgeting is going pretty well. I am recording what I spend. Go me. (Gotta record groceries)...

Made a slow cooked roast tonight. It was good. Leftovers and juices for soup tomorrow. I am a firm believer in using what you have. And that includes 'juices'. I got everything into the pot so tomorrow Ill cut up teh veggies and toss them in too and simmer all day. Yum.

I am going to arrange a way to the old apartment for the gst cheque tomorrow then to the bank to make sure that all of my deposits are as they should be before money starts flying out of the account.

charlotte is coming tomorrow at 1:30 too so Ill make a list of things to discuss with her. Busy Busy!

Hoarding?

Yeah... watching Hoarders... and I think maybe I have problems letting go of well... time. The clutter that is here is stuff that I feel that I need to "go through" but I am not willing to part with the time it would take to do so. I would ratehr sit and be bored then feel like I did nothing later that actually get up and move and feel like I got alot accomplished later.

Maybe I should go tackle the area in front of the door....


or not.

Wow

Talk about falling behind and staying behind. Seriously. LOL

My house is SUCH a mess. Plus I went to the shed today to organize adn grab our winter things for washing and threw everything right by teh door... Where it has stayed. I did a few loads of laundry out of teh pile but thats about it. I need to get back up and get back on it.

I was so motivated a few weeks ago adn the house looked great. Right now I am ashamed!

Feels like a Do Something Day...

But I really dont want to make supper. LOL.

I tried to mow the lawn but the lawn mower is not working for me. Bla LALALA

I bathed the dog. Did he enjoy it? Hell no. (And my boob got wet) sheesh.

Went to the apple orchard with the kids today and sherry LOL. It was a good time. Got lots of apples now which is always nice. Got to plan some baking adn find a place for them to be stashed.

What now, you ask? Well I would like to get some cleaning done. Gonna put on some music and get going!

Got Somethign Done At Least!

BAHAHAHAH

I went through our unmated socks.

Dont laugh

there were ALOT of them.

I chucked ALOT of them.

Walmart had 10 pcks of mens socks for 4.50for awhile and I had bought 2 packs. I chucked all of Kevs old socks. YAY ME.

There has been a picture frame on the table marking a spot to chuck things for almost 2 weeks now. I moved it into the closet. Now slowly I plan on finding homes for everything else that is right there. What a chore.

I might rejoin flylady for a bit. Why not. I managed to keep it neat for a week, why cant i keep it up?!?!

I made a budget (projected right now) for october. I am over budget by about 850$. as the month actually passes by I hope to tighten up. ALOT. (lol).

Well time to take out the dogI am thinking. Im going to talk kevin into a short walk with donavan and rocky later today. Maybe after supper.

YAY ME

So I put it into perspective. GST is friday (or early next week) so I will get the belt then. I made a really great budget (I am WAY over potentially) and am going to try to stick to it and manage!

Big sigh

A Wonderful Start To A Panic Induced Day

So this morning started pretty well. I was in a great mood. Samara's homework was done with NO fuss. got kids and dog into van at a great time. Got Samara to school. Decided that since payday is pretty close now I would pick up a couple sausage mcmuffins for breakfast and get Kevin up early. I was in a great mood.

Left teh drive through and heard a few odd noises under teh passenger side. Then a ting-y noise. and low and behold NO POWERSTEERING. Instantly I was angry. I just joked to my parents how I was waiting for the next thing to break on teh van last night.

the mechanic (friend of a friend) I took the van to just did a ton of work under teh front end (supposedly) so why was it doing that now? Got home and wrote an angry email to him and his wife (wasnt sure who would be online first).

Voila teh response:

"sell your hunk of shit! lol or drive it to the ground.... i got the same problem with my own van, next spring i wanna get a set of wheels that is like with a bank loan to pay for it! lmao... so, i pay for a new set of wheels instead of a hunk of shit... it will be well worth it for me. but im gonna work on perfact bills for 6 to 8 months and than apply... maybe you can work on the same! Sorry, Steve isnt home today hes driving people to dartmouth for medical appts. "

seriously?

wait...

seriously?!?!
SERIOUSLY?!?!!!

Oh good god.

I looked under the hood, the belt snapped and was gone. HOPEFULLY thats it. I am going to have a belt put on it and pray that was it. Then I am saving money... and saving and saving. Then I am going to have the van looked over by an actually mechanic, not an idiot.


But until then I am going to suffer. and suffer and suffer.

I cant breathe, my stomach hurts, my chest hurts, my jaw and head hurt. I feel like if I speak I will bawl... Pretty sure it is safe to say that I could. My hands are stiff and tingling... my feet are cold.

I want to go to bed and sleep.

Thats not a good thing. I dont nap. I hate naps. As soon as I go sleep ill be done. I wont be getting up I can promise you.

Its usually when this feeling sets in and stays that I need to hit the good dr for a pick me up. I need to numb out and chemically my brain needs to be informed that it doesnt really matter. It is OKAY.

I am not good with anger. I cant be bothered to stay mad ever adn it always becomes internal. Alot of "I AM A FUCKING IDIOT" flying aroud in my head. Hard to be "happy" and optimistic when you want to throw yourself off teh roof in "revenge" for being an idiot.

I hate failure and to me this is a BIG FAIL.

Right now It is a struggle to stay in control and nix the want to go hibernate.

I am listening to some happy and upbeat music and consentrating on stupid facebook games.

Maybe if I can get 1 more level on farmville I will feel like less of a failure? Maybe?

I just need to take it one breath at a time I guess and stop beating myself up. As long as Kevin stays in the bedroom with his game we shall be fine. Him being angry abut the van being a "lemon" (his word) just makes me feel guiltier. The thought about that right now is quite painful.