Didnt get child support or any response to my emails.
Went shopping today (borrowed from sil against my gst). I bought a pretty dress. it was $15.00 down from $59.00. I cant wait to wear it. I am going to get a chunky necklace to match it.
I think on Monday I am going to call the daycare in this area and see if I can get Donavan ina subsidized seat. Even if he only goes a day or soa week thats time I can get things done without him in my lap. He is getting way clingy suddenly.
Sherry's "party" tomorrow then paintballing on sunday. I am excited about paintballing but I really cant wait to have a day to just hang out with the kids. I feel guilty when theyre being shuffled off. Yesterday I was working (only 3.5 hours but still) and today I was shopping. (In my defense there I never ever ever go anywhere really.)
I cant wait to get the van so I can feel like I have a little more freedom when I am home with the kids. Its so far to walk anywhere and by the time I get home I dont want to do anything. If I dont get out as much as possible then I wont leave the house. UGH. I feel down and out and tonight it is worse becuase my flipping throat hurts again.
Doesnt help that i cant sleep AT ALL lately and feel like crap all teh time becuase of it. I dont dare drink coffee or tea etc because I am scared ill never actually sleep. (I admit I do indulge in the occasional ice cap here and there. Pretty sad when the only time a person feels okay is when theyre drinking that.)
UGH
Pity party table 1.
Its feels like donavan is never going to get over this cold and never going to sleep in his own bed (or all night).
And Samara just wont UGH. I am at my wits end with that child right now. Am I a terrible mother becuase I just wish my child would BE NORMAL?!?!?!? (please dont lecture me on NORMAL and blah blah. I get enough of it in my head.) Seriously? what did I do to deserve her?
I would understand if she had SOMETYPE of special need etc but GOOD GRIEF. mentally etc regestering above her own age category shouldnt mean that UGH. If the only thing different from her to other kids is that she is smart(er) <<<
I am tired of being treating like a flipping idiot.
I am tired of feeling like a flipping idiot.
I am tired of feeling like I am either doing TOO MUCH or not enough.
CANT FIND A SITTER TO SAVE MY LIFE.
If I dont get the van so I can go on my trip Ill be done. Absolutly done. I am tired of being optimistic when noone else will be. I am tired of feeling CONSTANTLY ridiculed.
I think I need to go read my book and try to get my mind off this shittiness. I am not going to sleep tonight anyway and teh longer I sit here with my self pity the worse Ill get.
1 comment:
we all have those days...
I was sitting at the Pity Party Table 3 days ago...
even i look at the crap that follows us around and wonder when things are going to turn a corner...
but in all fairness, things are getting a bit better for us these days and i attribute it for how busy we try to be...
signing the kids up for baseball, swimming lessons, maggies's place events, the library program, town trips, town swims at the ymca, ....
i try and keep us busy...
and when they say what goes around comes around... wow, it never stops amazing me...
for example:
we bought $50 worth of groceries....
not alot for 6 people but thats all we had to work with and we are really good at making it go pretty far...
then i got it in my head that we would volunteer for the cross border challenge... hand out water, pick up the littered cups... cheer on my sister and be a support for her...
we showed up at the ymca last night to sign up and they told us that there was free babysitting for our youngest two... and then they handed us free tshirts, and a $20 gift certificate for sobeys!!!
I just about cried...
:)
$20 will get us through the middle of next week when we run out of milk and juice...
it sucks to hear that things can always be worse, when things are already hard... but that is exactly what i tell myself when i have a bad day...
Donavans clingyness can be fixed by putting him in a hip sling...
:)
(reverse psychology)
Did you sign up Samara for the Maggies' place summer events?
Is it wrong that i am already wishing for fall?
Summer has been muggy and cloudy...
and not good for the spirit...
I finished reading "before Green gables" the prequel to Anne of Green Gables and it was really really good...
yesterday i read "my sister's keeper"...
it took me 5 hrs...
you should tell kevin that he is gonna watch teh kids and we will get a bunch of ladies together to dress up and go out...
you could probably use some pampering
:)
Post a Comment